Big Brother Warns Housemates: “No Drama, Automatic Eviction”
In a bold move to protect viewers’ data bundles, Big Brother has reportedly banned peace, maturity and emotional stability, warning Season 11 housemates that any contestant who cannot turn “good morning” into a full-blown reunion episode will be sent home.
Big Brother Warns Housemates: “No Drama, Automatic Eviction”
Ahead of the highly anticipated Big Brother Naija Season 11, organisers have reportedly issued a revised rulebook warning contestants that any housemate who fails to generate sufficient drama within 72 hours will be evicted immediately “for wasting everybody’s data.”
According to leaked documents, simply being nice, minding your business and respecting other people’s relationships will now be considered a serious violation of house rules.
“We’re not looking for responsible adults,” a visibly concerned Big Brother allegedly announced. “We’re looking for people who can turn someone saying ‘Good morning’ into a seven-day argument.”
Sources inside the house revealed that contestants have been attending intensive pre-season workshops on Professional Shouting, Advanced Love Triangle Engineering, Strategic Kitchen Fights, and How to Cry Without Smudging Your Makeup.
One female housemate reportedly packed three wigs, four perfumes and two ex-boyfriends, just in case production needed fresh content.
Another male contestant is said to have practised saying, “I’m not here to make friends,” in front of a mirror for six months.
To ensure viewers get value for their subscription, every housemate has allegedly been assigned a weekly drama quota. Those who fail to flirt with someone else’s partner, start at least two unnecessary arguments, or storm out of one conversation dramatically will receive a warning from Big Brother.
Meanwhile, psychologists have been hired to determine whether any fight is genuine. If a disagreement lasts less than thirty minutes or ends with an apology, housemates will reportedly be instructed to “go back and do it properly.”
At press time, one contestant had already slapped another with the words “I actually like peace,” and was escorted out of the audition venue for displaying behaviour considered “deeply unsuitable for reality television.”
